Fixing, helping, or serving? “Serving requires us to know that our humanity is more powerful than our expertise. In forty-five years of chronic illness I have been helped by a great number of people, and fixed by a great many others who did not recognize my wholeness. All that fixing and helping left me wounded in some important and fundamental ways. Only service heals”. Rachel Naomi Remen, MD  Thuy's Reflection Founder of TSIO Former Director of AODA Recovery Facility serving four counties Founder and Producer of Teen Radio Founder, Producer of The Thuy Smith Show Recovery- what does it mean? We all could use a little recovery sometimes. I was gone from the community I grew up in part for many years and then finally one day returned. I was a different person in some ways and yet in other ways never changed. I not only was now free of dependency on chemicals, but completely did what would be said as a 180 degree turn around. I now had a sense of self and was at peace with that, both the good and the “bad”. Recovery is not always easy either, at least not at first in my experience. Stopping the using was the “easy part”. It was all of the other work of the self-reflecting and forgiveness. Forgiveness was in some ways easier of others than it was of myself. What does recovery mean really? Well I feel first of all it doesn’t have to be a term referring only to people who have found or are seeking recovery from chemical dependency. It can apply to anyone. Anyone can use a “Recovery” from time to time. Recovery to me means…………..recovery of one’s self. In this way, don't we all need to find this from time to time? We lose ourselves when……………. We don’t draw boundaries with people When we just don’t say no When we take on more than what is realistic and put too much expectation on ourselves When we over extend ourselves for whatever reason When we don’t own our truth and be willing to express- No, I don’t like that or I need this in my life right now. When we are not gentle and forgiving with ourselves When we don’t take time to slow down to be in the moment and let our mind, body, and spirit rest. It can be easy to fall in any of these traps. It’s good to not be selfish because that is not only an undesirable characteristic to have; it is never going to be sustainable. At the same time, there is the other extreme. Sometimes people are so worried, especially women and all the more if they are mothers, that if they took care of their own needs they should feel ashamed of that. I heard one time a person said that “taking care of your self is not selfish, it is Self-full”. When we are full, only then, are we able to really take care of others, let alone ourselves. In the end, we are all the same and wanting the same things- Love, to be heard, and know that we have value. So allow yourself permission to recover. We all need a little recovery sometimes. It’s OK and there is NO shame in it! Addictions- solely the individual's responsibility? Let's look at some other dynamics involved with that and addictions in general. Pill Mills will just rise up in another community once they are closed down where they are currently operating. Close the next one down to only find then another one springs up. Although I agree with incorporating a system to make it tougher for people to get easy access to medications, and that there definitely needs to be more education and in some cases overall accountability practices of the medical or even psychiatric field.............what would be next? Addictions is a powerful thing and I'm sure something will be the Next BIG Drug Craze .......just as crack was and then meth.....and so on. The Take it back initiative can't hurt, but how much does it really do in the end? Reminder: These are people who come from all walks of life who have found themselves in the trap / grips of addiction. My point......THEY ARE People and THEY need help. Instead of scapegoating them as the sole problem as in- "ADDICTS SEEKING medications, as to simply demonize them as the "boogieman", what about People who simply need some help- to be given a chance for treatment. The Doctors and other professionals share some responsibility in this as well. I do believe that each of us are ultimately responsible for our life in the end. However, in this sense, it is NOT just an individual responsibility. Here is an article questioning the Take back initiative- Click here (Leaving WWRA) Another Article about the Pill Mills dilemma- Click here (Leaving WWRA) A few of my thoughts to this:
Tom Fuchs (Director) L.e. Phillips Libertas Center, Our Sponsor -Recovery awareness / Celebration Campaign Parents that host- lose the most, becoming assets for our youth, how to support teens with treatment and recovery, and some basics about prevention. Do celebrities have more difficulties overcoming addictions than others? Counselors have mixed views. (Steve Smith, Substance Abuse Counselor) The recent tragic death of Whitney Houston has once again brought drug abuse, particularly celebrity drug abuse, into the spotlight. Drug abuse for the famous has been and will continue to be a problem just as drug abuse for every other class of people, rich or poor, famous or not famous, skilled and talented or not so skilled and talented. One thing that I have noticed over the years is that there seems to be different views and feelings in our society when it comes to certain people who struggle with addiction. When those with fame and popularity who are well liked for their special talents or family ties have tragic circumstances occur as a result of drug abuse, the general response and tone is compassion, concern, empathy and love. However, this does not seem to be the same views or shared feelings in our society for the less fortunate when they fall victim to drug abuse and addiction. When a Ray Charles or Johnny Cash fall victim, we hope the best for them and then make a movie about their life telling how they overcame their problem and went on to become our greatest Americans. When Betty Ford became addicted to drugs, it was, "poor Betty”, our beloved first lady, she needs help and we will all be there for her. When Whitney dies so many people are shocked and full of grief wondering how did this happen and what could we have done to prevent this tragedy? Our hearts and thoughts go out to these people and their families as they should, but what are our thoughts about the millions of other not so popular Americans who struggle and suffer with addiction? In these cases we often hear a totally different response. Those no good drug addicts that poison and endanger our society. They need to be taken off the streets and thrown in jail. We need to crack down on the drug dealers and throw away the key. Something that we need to realize is that celebrities and wealthy people are not in the same position as those who do not have unlimited finances to support their habit. People with very little or no money are driven by their addiction to do things that they would have thought unthinkable just a few years or even a few months prior. We have all heard about the young women and even teenage girls who prostitute themselves in order to purchase enough drugs just to get them through that day or night. Addiction robs a person of their character and morals and leads a person into a survival mode where anything is possible. Unfortunately for the poor, this survival mode often leads to dangerous and more desperate measures than those that can readily dish out money to support their habit. Stealing, prostitution, joining a gang and selling drugs to support the habit becomes what has to be done to survive day by day. In order to understand how this could happen to anyone, just think for a moment realistically, what would happen if we were to make cigarettes illegal tomorrow? Can anyone honestly say that our most upstanding citizens including police and judges wouldn’t be involved in any means possible to get their hands on that one pack of cigarettes? Of course they would, just as they did when trying to get the next drink during prohibition. The interesting thing here is that it is easy to view people who we personally like and love as something of more value than those we don't. We want to help those that are specially gifted or that can give us the love and attention we need and are used to. We want to continue to enjoy what they can give to us, good music, good movies, great touchdowns, and so on. We even go so far as to eliminate the word addict when speaking about those we care so dearly for. For some reason, the term drug addict is automatically replaced with, Betty, our first lady, has a “Problem” and we will all be there for her. Immediately love, compassion and sympathy exist. Perhaps the question of values need to be asked of our society rather than those with the drug addiction on the street struggling to survive day to day in a very dangerous environment. While watching a very popular TV show following Whitney's death, I took note of what was said by a so called leading expert in the field of drug addiction. "Celebrities have a more difficult time overcoming drug addiction than other people. They have so much pressure and expectations put on them and they are always in the spotlight. Being a licensed drug abuse counselor that has worked in this field for fifteen years, hearing so called top professionals of the field say something like this is extremely disappointing. I have heard these types of statements on a consistent basis over the last few years from several counselors who work with the rich and famous that has drug abuse problems. To be honest I would have turned the TV off when this interview started had it not been for the fact that someone else was already involved in watching the show. If the professional being interviewed were to have said something like, "celebrities face a certain set of unique difficulties that others do not", this would have been a true statement and I would have been all ears. Instead I listened again to someone talk about the “dilemma” of the rich and famous. One day as I was driving four residents from an alcohol and drug abuse recovery support meeting back to our small and barely funded community halfway house, a young woman made a statement that I found to be simple but profoundly true. She said "You know, recovery is easier for people that have money. How are we supposed to learn how to have fun and enjoy living sober when we cannot afford to do anything"? The quick answer for someone in my position is usually suppose to be one that immediately stops any self- pity from taking place and say something like, "Quit feeling sorry for yourself and get a job". The fact that I had been in her shoes at one time, I knew exactly what she was feeling. She was not looking for pity, but was truly making a heartfelt statement while presenting a sincere and honest question. How does someone who is struggling go from where she is to where she needs to be as a financially and emotionally happy and secure individual? In today's real world there are very few living wage jobs and it is much harder for those with no special skills, formal education, no money and resources, or family to help. Over the last several years I have literally seen thousands of people in this situation. It is amazing to me how many head out clean and sober in many cases for the first time since being a juvenile. Many were on probation with a non -violent felony drug possession charge, now on their record, face the world with courage and hope in spite of having what most of us would look at as nothing to go on. They head out clean and straight, not knowing how they are going to be able to stay that way. They go from business to business being turned away over and over for every reason in the book, but most of all sorry we don't hire felons. Ironically we as a society expect these people to somehow miraculously pull themselves up and get a life. How can any professional in the field say that celebrities have more pressures and difficulties than one of these people? Celebrities have many options that make it far easier in many ways than the average person struggling with drug abuse and dependency issues.
Don't get me wrong; being a licensed substance abuse counselor who has worked in the field for fifteen years and a person who at one time in my life who also struggled with addiction, I do know that no matter who you are, rich or famous, the battle is more difficult than can be explained. However, the obstacles and dilemmas do not compare in the slightest to the millions who have been so much less fortunate, and who are so often brought up in poverty, broken families, and violent drug invested neighborhoods and the dead end streets of our communities. These are the people who face the real pressures of this world and who struggle just to survive another day. They are the ones that are more often than not, born into poverty, violence, and broken homes with no real role models in their lives. It is my personal opinion that before these so called top professionals in the field make a statement like "celebrities have a more difficult time overcoming drug addiction than other people", they need to get a real education by getting out of their exclusive high class celebrity rehab treatment facilities, and visit one of our county jails, community halfway houses or inner city schools. Resources for more information: -"The New Jim Crow" by: Michelle Alexander -PBS Frontline "Interrupted"  Aurora Community Counseling Wendy Prigge LSW-CSAC Aurora Community Counseling has been a partner (Honorary Sponsor) with our organization since 2009. *No Blogs were meant to substitute from seeking professional counseling or other assistance. One woman shares her lessons on Co-dependency I was asked to write this blog and I thought awhile as to what I would write about. I decided the best idea is to write about what you know. I know the most about Codependency as I started my journey in recovery with addressing Codependency. I was married to a man who drank a lot. As my family didn’t drink, I didn’t know what was normal. At first the drinking was fun but after awhile I realized I didn’t like it because I started to worry about how the night was going to end up. Would this be the night he drank too much? I tried to ignore the problem, deny it, and avoid talking about it. It didn’t go away. So I tried to find other more practical ways to handle it. I was his wife and believed it was up to me to do something about it. My focus became how to try to control it and or him. I tried to cut him off when I thought he had enough. I tried getting mad or yelling at him. I tried pouring some of it down the drain. I tried to be a good wife so he wouldn’t have a reason to drink. The more I tried to control it and the worse our relationship became. He could always find a way to drink. We would fight about it from time to time. It didn’t stop. I worried about what others thought of the situation, him, and me. I felt inadequate, I didn’t know what to do but I was afraid to quit trying because what would happen if I wasn’t there to control it? I did finally go for some counseling and learned that I was codependent and needed some help for myself and not just the person with the alcoholism in my life. I discovered I wasn’t crazy or a bad person. I was not responsible for his drinking problem. It wasn’t my place to be embarrassed by his drinking or try to control him or his drinking. I learned I was powerless to control someone else’s behavior and especially someone’s addiction to alcohol. This is an illness, a health issue. I realized I spent too much time focusing on him and what he was doing or not doing. I wasn’t very happy with my life. I was scared and angry a lot. I learned some of the characteristics of people who are Co-dependent: 1. An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others. 2. A tendency to confuse love and pity with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue. 3. A tendency to do more than their share all the time. 4. A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts. 5. An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The person who is co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment. 6. An extreme need for approval and recognition. 7. A sense of guilt when asserting themselves. 8. A compelling need to control others. 9. A lack of trust in self and/or others. 10. Fear of being abandoned or alone. 11. Difficulty identifying feelings. 12. Rigidity/ difficulty adjusting to change. 13. Problems with intimacy/boundaries. 14. Chronic anger 15. Lying/dishonesty. 16. Poor communications 17. Difficulty making decisions. I could relate to most of these symptoms. The first step was to recognize I had a problem too. I needed education which I was able to obtain through counseling, self help books, and Alanon which is the 12 step support group for family members and friends of people with substance abuse problems. Wow! They had a support group I could attend and people knew what it was like to struggle with trying to control the drinking. I obtained a sponsor who helped me through thick and thin including my divorce. Over time I learned to control my controlling behavior by letting go. I learned to focus on myself. My self esteem improved. I have more serenity in my life. I can still be co-dependent in other relationships. That tendency never goes away. I am able to recognize it for what it is and make changes as I need to. Wendy Prigge LSW-CSAC | Everything on this site is our property and may not be used without permission. 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